Queer Church Lady

Isn't that one hell of a question? Truth be told, I have always felt like I was overstepping my bounds in all of my ministry life. I always felt like I was not supposed to do this or not supposed to do that. The feeling of unworthiness was real! I've had a lot of men (specifically white, cisgender, heterosexual men) tell me that I’m blaming my insecurities on something that is not real. "No one said you couldn't do this" or "Stop being so PC and sensitive." Does someone need to physically say "you are not welcomed" for someone to feel unwelcomed? I'm going to venture to say, that everyone at some point in time has felt unwelcomed even though no one told them they weren't allowed to occupy that space. As a "straight" woman, I always felt like a second class citizen. I would do all the ministry work I wanted but there would always be a glass ceiling I could never break. My "no" to someone's request will always...

I found myself in a very interesting and complicated position recently. As I've mentioned before I am involved in a lot of ministries at my parish. One of those ministries is Religious Education, most commonly known as CCD. Well, this week marked my last CCD class. I have decided after 8 years and a ridiculous amount of deliberation, to not teach next year. This was a very difficult decision. CCD is what started my ministry work and it has been a very large part of my Catholic identity for a long time. At one point in time, I was running most, if not all of the program. The standard curriculums for the confirmation programs were co-created by me and a fellow teacher and in essence, the confirmation program, as it stands, is partially my baby. To walk away required a lot of strength and courage but the truth of the matter is, I couldn't lie anymore. The interesting position I found myself in, and the final confirmation piece that it really was time to give up CCD was as follows:...

Have you seen this meme? Well in case you need the context, in Matthew 21:18-22 a story is told of Jesus cursing a Fig tree that bears no fruit. Obviously, the meme is meant as satire and a play on words however there is more to look at here. Why has this meme gained such popularity? Well, it's because of what Jesus is NOT saying. He is not saying that he hates queer folks. In fact, nowhere in the new testament does Jesus say anything about homosexuality. Historically we know that it was in existence. The Old Testament makes reference to it however the New Testament does not. Hold onto your hats kids - she's going in! The God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament, though the same being- are very different and the reason is because of Jesus: The word made flesh, the lamb led to slaughter for the NEW covenant. (Pretty theology words aren't they?) What does all this mean? It means that when Jesus came to Earth - when he gave himself up to death -...

I often joke that I'm so Catholic I feel guilty about the air I breathe. Though I say it for the laughs, the truth of the matter is this isn't so far from the truth. I often wonder what it is about Catholic upbringing that makes us all so ashamed of our behavior. At what point in time did we feel that guilt would serve as the best motivator for making us follow Catholic doctrine? I understand that the main reason for organized religion is to uphold a certain moral standard that coincides with the teaching of that religion. But why guilt, and why is it a problem? It's a problem because even now, in my early 30s, I still struggle with giving myself permission to do things for myself - even for the slightest act of self-care. Somewhere along the way, I learned that selfishness was a dirty word and that self-care was a synonym for selfishness. I know I'm not alone in this feeling. When I returned to the church, I decided I wanted to know what Love really meant. I had defini...